- I'm a wedding planner giving advice to readers about sharing crucial information with guests.
- Providing drinks can be expensive, so inform your guests if you plan on having a cash bar instead.
- It's best to be straightforward in your invite and tell your guests to avoid wearing white.
Q: Can we skip bridesmaids and groomsmen? How will this affect the ceremony?
A: You can totally skip bridesmaids and groomsmen. It's up to you and your partner, but you can either skip those particular titles, which are gendered, or you can forgo a wedding party entirely.
This can affect the ceremony since a wedding party is often standing or sitting alongside a couple at the altar. If you want people to be with you rather than in the audience with other guests, you arrange this accordingly, but it's also not necessary that anyone be up there with you.
The biggest change will actually be before and after the ceremony.
Before, you and your partner will want to be very clear about who, if anyone, is taking on the responsibilities that often fall to members of a wedding party. This can include hosting celebrations like an engagement party, a wedding shower, or a bachelor or bachelorette party.
After, you two will want to pick who will be the witnesses to sign your legal marriage license, as they are required in nearly all of the US states. Though I've worked venues where the witnesses were not members of the wedding party, they often are a part of this group.
Q: Will guests judge us if we have a cash bar only?
A: Here's my response to any guest who judges you two for not paying a multi-thousand dollar bar tab: Pay a cover. The average cost to cater a guest at a wedding is $70 and that's before alcohol.
The trick is to message ahead of time through guest-facing communication, such as an invitation or a wedding website. Consider a line as straightforward as "cash bar" to signal to your guests that "there'll be alcohol here but no, we're not paying for it."
I also wish more couples would consider doing an open bar for cocktail hour and a cash bar for the reception. I've done this several times at weddings and it's always worked great.
Another way to do this is to set a limit with the bar, say, $500. Tell the bartender to notify you or someone you trust when you're approaching this limit. Then you and your partner can decide if you want to change the limit or move to cash.
However, setting a limit also requires you to think about logistics on your wedding day, so it's not the right fit for everyone. I suggest it as an option if you two are having trouble deciding what the right number is for the tab.
Q: How many people from your guest list actually show?
A: Couples often tell me some form of "We're inviting 200 but only think 100 will come." Please don't do this to yourselves — it will backfire, even during the COVID-19 pandemic.
A more reasonable attrition rate is between 10% and 12%, but this can also vary. You can have more people not come if you're planning a destination wedding, invite people with kids, or don't mention health and safety.
When in doubt, invite fewer people and then expand as RSVP's come in. It's not as rude as you think.
Q: How do I get guests to not wear white to a wedding?
A: You tell them not to wear white to a wedding. Guests don't usually do this, but if someone showing up in white will change how you feel about your wedding, communicate that boundary.
Here's one way it could look: "We kindly ask that you do not wear white to the wedding." Then, include details about things people can wear: "All other colors encouraged" or "Black tie but no white, please."
Share this information on your biggest piece of guest-facing communication. This might be an invitation, a wedding website, a Facebook group, or an email — whatever you and your partner are using to tell people the who, what, where, and when of your special day.